No Talking Tuesday # 281

February 12th 2013

Big mistake!

I was having a long epic conversation with my friend Isaiah on the phone about such high minded topics as the nature of reality, objective morality, truth, the self, mans place in the world etc. when I noticed it was about thirty minutes until midnight.

I made a mental note to wrap up the conversation in about twenty minutes. When I thought twenty minutes had passed I looked at the clock and saw that it was a hour and a half later, and it was past one in the morning! I realized I had talked for a while past midnight and so couldn't talk anymore. Rather than hanging up right then and there, I continued to listen to him explain his point of view (which lasted fifteen minutes) before the conversation dictated a response from me. I then hung up and texted him why, and we left it at that.

I was so shocked at how off I was about the time that I checked to make sure it wasn't daylight savings or something, but no, I had just been engrossed and a very interesting conversation and lost track of time. Which gave me much to mull over in my day of silence.


A new direction in my life

Based on that talk I've decided to be less cynical and negative in my life and relationships. I recognize that this hyper critical sensitivity to imperfection (in myself and others and situations) was a useful skill to develop to purge my own personality and art from many self destructive imperfections (laziness, lack of rigor, lack of systematic analysis and methodical workflow etc.), but that I have reached the end of the line with that critical framework. I've come to the end of that story, and this negative, critical apparatus I've set up and refined is now only going to do me damage. It's hard since I've so heavily invested in this kind of personality infrastructure to not coast on it once it's self running and able to handle my affairs on autopilot. The alternative of starting from scratch with a new story, and a new set of personality modifications aimed at self improvement, is always daunting, but necessary if I want to keep pushing myself to be better than I've been.

So now as I fade out the story of negativity and hyper sensitvity to imperfection, i'm going to work to usher in a new story of leasurly enjoyment and unhesitiating exploration of all the skills i've invested in before. Rather than doing a drawing where I really rigorisly define the perspective, matte surface rendering, calculate cast shadows, color temperature, depth ques etc. constantly scanning for any possible mistake. Instead, now I'll freely explore a drawing with all that I've learned of those things to make new connections and untested interactions with say materials, workflows, etc. To let go a little control and structure for the possibility of inspiring new interactions to manifest themselves, and to eagerly and passionetly explore such surprises with an eye for what's working well, instead of what's not.

The List:

1 prawn burrito please
-Regular
-Blackbeans
-Spinach tortilla
-To go