Songs In Sleep


I just moved into a large house in north Berkeley.
Many of the rooms were vacant and I had the choice between several.
I ended up choosing the one with an apple tree growing in through the window
with a view of impossibly tall trees and completly soaked in silence.
(perfect quite is something I've always wanted but haven't had in a place I've lived until now)

I passed on a larger room for this one,
hoping it would pay off with whimsical inspiration in my art and writing.
And of course as soon as I moved in,
my new place inspired these few lines of verse .

Here is the final piece
and all the drafts in order:



Songs In Sleep


You found me under an apple tree
set my wing with a twig
and some kitchen twine
eyes clenched, quick shallow breaths
i struggled in your shoe box
until you laid me in your bed
your sugar face, my belly aches
the scattered hands across my dusty face
until you burnt my hazel bones
with the details of your voice
you whispered in sleep:
"All the king's horses, and all the king's men."
then held me with a strength i could hardly believe

when i remember you it's always the same
legs dangling in the water
eyes hidden from the sun
of course we never went swimming
we never did a lot of things
but there you are
wiggling your toes into glassy ripples
looking at me from under noon shadowed eyes
with salty lips and sandy hair
is how i'll forget you
as soon as i can afford to

your name wasn't Abigail
but i pretend it was
you kept a small bird
trained him to sing
you would start, and he would follow
always in key
then you would look over
satisfied and smiling
as if to say:
"See, I told you. You shouldn't have doubted me."
of course i never doubted you

you were the muffled sizzle of rainy streets
the sudden creek of furniture in the dark
the embarrassed snicker
when it's time to be serious
and all the faces i'll never see again

i was explaining myself to a group of friends
when feeling around in my pocket, i found a key
i pulled it out confused, stopping mid sentence
starring at it, i thought of you
and something twisted inside me
i felt sick and excused myself
there is a door somewhere closed to me forever
it doesn't matter that i have the key
it never mattered that i have the key.